#442 JOURNEY TO THE BUG

Wah makin lama makin lupa ni nak countdown bug. I have told ya before of my plan towards my bug kan kalau anyone yg tak tahu boleh ker tujuan hidup, handsome, and bug. 

442 days! Keep focus! Keep track! Soon Shel soon! 

All time favourite.

“It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.”

― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Insomnia sucks.

   

     Gets you thinking about things that you end up thinking waaaayy too deeply about and as a result you can’t get to sleep because you can’t stop thinking and then you think about how you should stop thinking and as a result you end up thinking more. And then it gets you mildly depressed about stuff and then you start thinking about how things are mildly depressing and yeah.

Do you feel like The Ugly Duckling?

         
      Is it normal to feel no sense of belonging? I can't help feeling that I don't belong anywhere. I've been up rooted my whole life, if you knew all about me you’d probably tell me to shut up my life is fine and wonder what my problem is – and I completely agree with you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Don't know I felt the same way since I was a little kid. I feel isolated and sad. Everybody seems to fit in but me. You want to belong, but whatever you do, a little something’s not right. If people around don’t reject you, you reject yourself to escape the heavy feeling of disconnection. I just feel that I rushed things about coming back to earth between lives, and ended up in the wrong family. My Abah, to whom I was very close, died in 2006, and ever since, I have had no connection to my family. It is as if he was the only reason I was accepted at all. Am I the only one thinking this ... or ? Depressed. 

Feelings aren't supposed to be logical.

       Sometimes, I wish I could read your mind. Then I wonder, if I could handle the truth. I wish that you, could read my mind. How I was always wondering how you really felt, never knowing for sure. I think you were afraid to show me everything, afraid to commit. Or maybe you just really are a player and didn't ever actually like me, but I don't believe that. I guess truly I won't ever know for sure. I really can't explain it, but I like you without trying. I love the things you say, your smile and how you never fail to make me smile. And by the end of the night, you're always on my mind. I want an unknown relationship. Not a public one where everyone has to know. I will not say that I am single nor will I deny the fact that I'm taken, but nobody has to know with who and what goes on between us. Cause I think the quietest relationships last the longest. Only if you were here, I'd be the happiest person in the world. 

Optimitivity.

Ramadhan is leaving. And Syawal is coming. Its a joy and sad; mixed feelings. I still haven't bought a single kurung but I already had me a tudung. How my life is well un,organized. I save up money for a new phone. In the end of the day, the urge in me, not as important as new clothes. Whenever I feel demotivated I would spend on food. On good drinks. Pay hours for parking just to sit in the mall watching people. Strangers yet so close. I'd hope as much as I hope it's true, there'll be no more crazy stuffs been done alone in this years to come. This is it.

I got summertime, summertime sadness.

But I don’t want good
And I don’t want good enough
I want can’t sleep can’t breath without your love
Front porch and one more kiss
It doesn’t make sense to anybody else
Who cares if you're all I think about
I’ve searched the world and I know now
It ain’t bad if you ain’t lost your mind
Yeah I don’t want easy
I want crazy
Are you with me baby 

Lets be crazy.

Why do girls fall for assholes who cheat on 5 other women at the same time?

Why are some guys such players?

Y'all know the guy who has one too many girls, the sweet talker who always catches your eyes but also breaks your heart, now as time evolves so do they and its getting harder and harder to recognize them. 

Situation 1 : 

You went out as a friend. He said he didn't want to get involved. His reasons are his own whether they are true or not but he doesn't owe you anything or an explanation. He's not taken anything from you nor does he owe you anything. [ PLAYA! ]

Situation 2 :

These guys do not want to get attached by any means, as if he's vague and exclusive. If at a point you asked a question and you got the response and your reaction is (huh,what or raised eyebrows) trust me that was exactly the intention! [ PLAYA! ]

Situation 3 :

Every time you two are together, his phone is always on silent or vibrate. [ PLAYA! ]

Situation 4 :

So his female friends call often and they hang out way more than you two do. [ PLAYA! ]

Situation 5 :

If he acts like an angel. No man is perfect and any normal person knows that. A regular trying guy will embraces his flaws and try to adjust them if there's not up to your liking. But if your guy acts as if he's perfect and does every single thing  you need and always at all times makes you happy over himself trust, as good as it sound its not real ladies, its only an illusion. [ PLAYA! ]

Ladies if more than one of these points fits your guys actions it's time to get serious and ask yourself if you really want to sit back and avoid these signs. Just drop him like the loser he has proven himself to be and look for someone better. Men probably say that where exactly do you think it's written that people need to answer to you for their choices in life, just because his actions and choices don't please you gives you no rights whatsoever? Kan? You aren't his mother or father? (Mather Father GENTLEMAN tuuttuttuututtu I know it's not funny hehe) Or maybe on the bright side men would say, "Tons of guys seem like players, but really they just have trouble finding who they really like, and what they really feel." or "Guys want to feel wanted it's all part of the game girls do it too, just play along." 

I'm not looking for some smartass answer. I want the psychological reasoning. I just wanna know what makes them act like that. Are they insecure? Are they easily bored? Do they see any harm in what they're doing? I wanna know.

This doesn't mean I think all men are the same, it just means I'm better off without someone like that in my life. We need to remember everyone is entitled to a life and if that doesn't suit your needs and requirements maybe you need to remember the world doesn't revolve around you! Some men are players, others aren't. And I don't really know the answer to that question,

Having some "me" time.

         A loner; someone who spends the majority of their time alone, the type of people to hang by themselves with the computer & surf the internet, or picking up a good urban fiction book, usually shy and soft-spoken, one-of-a-kind, have many hidden talents, & adding a bit of mystery to their personality by walking alone. I'm a loner. Not that I'm saying that I have no friends or am not socializing well (I have some small group of friends that I hang out but often) but I'd prefer to be alone, most of the time. I don't know why, but I feel like it is not a bad thing and that I tend to enjoy it sometimes. Being a loner is a mixed blessing, I mean I enjoy people up to a certain degree but I like the independence and the fact that I don't always need to cling with other people around myself all the time. I think nowadays, every independent woman would prefer doing that, shop alone, and stuffs. I eat alone at restaurants at times myself and I don't see that the waiter's or anyone's staring at me like I'm a loser having to be my problem?! I do not have to ‘report back’ to anyone. I can go wherever I want without asking permission. I have the privilege to choose how to spend my time, wayyy better I'd save a lot of my time because I don't have to wait for people etc, I could focus on my life even better, crystallize my goals etc. And not having to care much of others feelings including my feelings, would be the best part. A deep thinker like me especially when I was alone stuck in the traffic, my mind may go beyond the space, turn back & forth from a fairy tales and seems to drive me crazy on my future. *if not I wouldn't have called me a world class dreamer. Haha. For me the sweetest thing for the end of the day is to reach home and stay cool in peace, and believe me this is the ideal way to live. I realized I am okay being a loner and I like it better this way. That comes with growing up, your personality starts shaping, some doesn't start the adventure of finding their own identity, others do.

❤ kiss kiss

Confession.

本当に誰かと付き合いたい。Hontōni dare ka to tsukiaitai.
まだボーイフレンドを持ったことがない。Mada bōifurendo o motta koto ga nai.
馬鹿、どこにいるの。 Baka, doko ni iru no.
諦められないよ。Akirame rarenai yo.

  
Translation :
I really want to date someone. 
I haven't had a boyfriend yet … (EVER). 
Where are you idiot? 
I won't give up!

Found this while internet surfing and I find it very sincere! It. may. sound. despe ........ rate but yeah. Whatever. I find you very interesting, woman. Hats off! I'm Shela. I've never had a boyfriend too. At least, not a serious one. Now, at 27 ( in few more days ) I'm ready for a relationship and I'm having some issues finding one. I wish I was slim or cute or pretty. People online seem to think I’m not bad looking ( really, thanks to all the phone apps that existed ) but in real life I might as well be a potato or something. Kthxbye. 

❤ kiss kiss

Deep.

Bersama janji kau sentuh rasa percaya. Hangat dingin mu mengundang rindu kecewa. Hanya aku dihuni sepi rasa kasihmu. Hanya ku yang mencari. Rembulan masih ada. Mungkin seketika. Walau ku bahagia mengejar bayanganmu. Tak mungkin ku beroleh saat indah bersamamu. Hanya aku

Apakah mungkin berulang janji setia. Apakan kekal ataupun menyambut duka. Dan dirimu di janji Sang Sempurna. Dan kecewa kini di pulih rasa kasihmu. Hanya ku yang mencari. Rembulan masih ada. Mungkin seketika. Walau ku bahagia mengejar bayanganmu. Tak mungkin ku beroleh saat indah bersamamu. Hanya aku

Dihuni rasa rindu. Hanya ku yang mencari. Rembulan masih ada. Mungkin seketika. Walau ku bahagia mengejar bayanganmu. Tak mungkin ku beroleh saat indah bersamamu. Dingin rasa kasihmu. Bagai bintang bersemi. Rindu janji bicara. Kekal selamanya. Walau sekadar mimpi. Tak pernah ku peduli. Selamanya kan ku pasti merindui dirimu. Hanya aku

❤ kiss kiss

Birthday Wishlist.

Figured I’d share what I would like to have this year, I know the list is probably and as always, unattainable, but it doesn't hurt to put it out in the world! Let see where it goes then.

1. More books.

I mean books have entirely been my escape and I would love to have more times to escape into completely different and interesting and wonderful worlds the authors created themselves. I'd love to explore more in the imaginations of these authors and I dunno, get lost in them. ;)

2. Longchamp Le Pliage.

I know everyone has these, but I still want them. It is a must-have for people who are looking for a casual, all purpose sort of bag. Like me, who's just love to campak everything inside, would be very convenient. Just can't decide myself, these 4 are beautiful, aren't they? Or or Cambridge Satchel Neon 13". Uuuuuuuu verangans. 

3. Red Velvet  cake.

I'm craving for this cake even if I'd have it everyday. Though I'm pretty sure it would still taste like a normal cake but the cream cheese aiyoooo droolings. Sigh. I want one for my birthday puhlease! NOMNOMNOM

4. Marc By Marc Jacobs Ladies Sunglasses ( Brown Bronze Violet ).

I most definitely love love love this shades! Reason : I want them to complete my birthday look. B)

5. Fossil Ansel.

Used to have this in my secondary school and I also have lost it already, so it's not a sin to have it now, I guess. Reminiscing back the good old days would be great tho, watches is one of my most precious possessions! I wouldn't mind, if I could have more & more watches! : )

6. Boots.

So um. I LOVE THIS. So yea.

7. Fujifilm Instax 8 Mini Camera.

I have no idea why is this thang ended up in my wishlist. But one thing for sure, that catches my eyes is that, Y U SO ADORABLEEE?!

Apart of my normal wishlist; these are ...................................................................... my ;

IMPOSSIBLE BIRTHDAY WISHLIST :

1. Full-expense paid trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter (and back) so that I could have Butter Beer with Harry Pott. er, (this is not typo if u know what I'm sayin)

2. Gryffindor Uniform

3. Meet and Greet with Logan Lerman *omg dropping jaw moment*

And now that’s all that I can think of … okay. Some of my wishes might be too expensive and impossible to give. It's actually okay if I don't actually receive all of what's listed on top because I would slowly buy it for me after all. Just it would take some timelah. Mmmpph. Deep inside I wish my money would have sex in my purse and multiply. Gagagaga. Oop oop oop oop oop oppa gangnam stylee! 

❤ kiss kiss

The juggler.

My life right now.

#584 JOURNEY TO THE BUG

So I have said on my precvious ahh ni namanya nak cakap previous campur precious so jadinya *#&%^ meaning benda yang aku nak story ni tersangatlah penting dalam idop gedebak gedebuk kebaboom sampai takde masa nak tekan backspace yang mana aku nak buat countdown stairways to the Beetle bug weehoo! setelah dikira-kira tolak campur darab bahagi aku nak own my Beetle bug by end of 2014 which means accurate date 31st Dec 2014 bermakna akan mengambil masa selama 584 days or 1 year 7 months and 5 days to complete to be specific and my mission towards it starts TODAY okay sila baca balik dalam satu nafas

❤ kiss kiss

Hallo handsome!

dis is mah man, bitches

Tujuan Hidup.

Tomorrow I should finish Skinny Bastard's book. Schedule. End of 2013 my weight loss should be 30kgs and above which more or less 5kgs/month loss to be specific. Short term 6 months intensive workout. Or just continue my dancing class. Lose weight. This time should lose more weights. For the sake of I wanna look fabulous on my vw beetle 21st century when I own one .. someday. || Tuesday will renew my passport. Will be away in August. Work my pt harder for the sake of extra money. Earn more so I can spend more & when I spend more, I won't feel bad; that's ze very important. Won't regret on every penny spent while travelling. It's my precious. ||  By the time of 2014. Finish everything. Make sure there is enough money. Beetle. More savings. Sufficient knowledge to start another business. Read more books. Should start on my first investment plan. ||  End 2014. Beetle ready. Steady businesses + life. Continue savings savings savings. Travel with ma anywhere. Berbakti kpd ma till the world ends. Tujuan hidup. None of it is about marriage. Or having a boyfie. Because I know it takes two to tango like they said to make it work. Kalau tujuan2 atas tu, I definitely can do it alone. And I don't mind at all.

❤ kiss kiss

Long hiatus.

Salam,

Well it's already the end of fifth month of 2013 and I was tend just to write one post YEAY! (even though I have deleted it due to my personal esteem issues) one post means that my new year's resolutions still making a progress though. Yeah, time actually loves me, but I never had enough, that I wish I have more than 24 hours a day. Today I would like to talk about random things. Or I just wanna be random talking as if anyone cares. The fact that I don't think anyone ever gonna read my blog, well hey feel free TO NOT READ my blog! :P

#1 I should say that I'd turn TWO SEVEN TWO this year in just few days from now. Don't know ( I don't know about you but I'm feeling TWENTY TWOO~) whether I should be happy about it cause I'd turn a year wiser or sad about it cause I'd turn a year older. Whichever, I just hope that I have an awesome birthday and I may stay young as my heart says. :3

#2 Awkward. Why do some guys think that being nice to them is flirting? Why do they not just chill instead of perasan pulak dahh? It’s so damn annoying! Moreover, if when you're being avoided because of that. Ass. I’m being nice, it doesn't mean I'm flirting or that I like you in the sense. ( Even if it's true that I like you, you have your rights to not like me back, duhh ) Stop making it awkward. Just because I don't have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean that I'll flirt with the first guy I can or that I'm desperate enough to settle for just anyone. Because I am not. Big ego much? NO. It's in order to avoid coming off as "creepy". Another thing about me, I’m bad at reading people. And with that said, vice versa; if you flirt with me and I don’t flirt back, please don’t take it personally, I’m horrible at noticing things like that unless someone bluntly tells me they’re flirting with me because. That is all.

#3 After this I would like to make my blog as a journal, countdown for me to well .... you just wait and stay tuned! Hehe. :B


❤ kiss kiss